A Message To The Class of 2009

Hello there, sorry for the long silence, but I, have been, busy? Sure.

A message to the Class of 2009: (from an intern at NY Neofuturists)

Wear sunscreen (I never promised this message wouldn’t be trite and corny). Wear condoms, safety goggles, seat belts and a fucking helmet. You only get one body, that by this point you or someone else has spent a considerable amount of money on making smart. Protect the investment. Oh, and HPV is everywhere. Sex be so good it gives ya cancer, so wrap it up.

It’s ok to be scared. Be as scared as you want. I know I am, but don’t expect it to ever go away. It doesn’t get better it only gets different. You know you’re living it right if you wake up screaming, in a cold sweat, and in clothes you didn’t go to bed in at least once a week.

You deserve to be happy. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. Sleep around, get a dog, do drugs, drink too much, eat too much, make long distance phone calls, see theater, listen to music, watch porn, make porn, dye your hair green, marry a fat dude, write plays, wear only leotards, fondle statues, whatever. Happiness is different for everyone so don’t be all judgy, unless judging people makes you happy then of course go for it.

Sometimes in life, for things to really matter you need to do them all by yourself. (a principal that also applies to masturbation and flossing as well as moving boldly on with the rest of your life)

Ask for help when you need it. (a principal that also applies to masturbation and flossing as well as moving boldly on with the rest of your life)

It takes two people to be in love. One is not enough. If they don’t love you back steal their identity and buy yourself things on their credit card. If you can’t have them you can at least have 12 Sham Wows and 4 Snuggies to comfort you and mop up all the tears and other loneliness related bodily fluids.

Don’t worry too much about finding a “real” job because you’re not gonna find one. This world hasn’t yet made room for us. So bus tables, baby-sit, sell the Internet over the phone, intern, and write blogs in your cubicle while you should be working. Do it with integrity and you’ll get there one day. If not, sell your blood and buy a flat screen that you can sit in front of and smoke bongs. Because material things, television and drugs will fill up the emptiness inside if you try real hard.

Have fun, get dirty, stay up late, try new things, call your mom, look at the stars, do things that scare you, meet new people, and appreciate what you have.

Stick it to the man, remember to not forget, work hard, play hard, be a good friend and be yourself.

Break the mold, break your nails, break the bank, break patio furniture, and break hearts.

Give it all you got, give thoughtful gifts, give that homeless guy a dollar, and give me a fucking break.

Now go out there and do your best. Everything is going to be just fine (a lie but I wish it for you) “Be bold and the mighty forces will come to your aide"-Goethe.

Oh and SEE TOO MUCH LIGHT MAKES THE BABY GO BLIND as much as humanly possible.

Carpe Diem Kiddos,
Meg Bash

Give My Heart A Chubby

So I guess while we had 2 men dominate in the stand-up category, the ladies are racking it up in the improv/sketch category in our Salute to Comedy... I'm giving it a title... gimmicks! Alright, continuing our "Salute to Comedy", we go now to the first ever sketch show I ever saw entitled, "Two Girls for Five Bucks".

Written and performed by Cathleen Carr and Daiva Deupree, 2gf5b is a 2 woman, sketch comedy, burlesque show. They feature real life stories about their love and sex lives and sketches including devilishly outrageous characters and scenarios. They are a comedy giant, their talent is exquisite, and their newest off-broadway show, Two Girls For Five Bucks, and The Ten Dollar Heartbreakers will hopefully be as devious, raunchy, and wildly classy as the last show. Here is a clip of a sketch they performed at Sketchubator:

Their new show opens... well today, March 11 and runs until March 28th. Their venue is the lovely Ars Nova in New York City. If you live in the NYC area, GO SEE THIS SHOW. If you DON'T live in the area, get on a Bolt or Mega bus (avoid getting blown up by a Fung Wah), go down for the day, or make a little vaca out of it, and GO SEE THIS SHOW. Trust me, you cannot be disappointed... unless you're Born Again... something tells me Born Agains wouldn't appreciate this.

I'll leave you with a little preview of their new show, enjoy:

Messing With Ike

Sorry for the massive gaps between entries. After the focus of a couple stand-ups, we're going to continue with my tribute to comedy by shifting to improvisational comedians/actors/comedic actors. For those of you that know me, I dabble in the improv, so this is very dear to my soul.

Let's begin with THE lady of improv, Dame Susan Messing of Chicago. I have seen her show Messing With a Friend twice, and last November, had the amazing opportunity to have a workshop with her at The Annoyance Theatre. The Annoyance was founded by Mick Napier, former Second City director, in the late 80's, and Susan has been performing her show since 2004. Every Thursday she features 1 or 2 actors from Improv Olympic, The Annoyance, Second City, or other notable venues from Chicago and across the country.

This woman absolutely blew my mind when I first saw her show. It took me about 15 minutes to accept that she was improvising. She's also amazingly filthy... with her language, not her hygiene, like Kelly Dooley.

Ok, so here is a little piece from Messing With Ike Barinholtz (MadTV). Susan just asks the audience for a word, I don't know what inspired this scene, but...enjoy. Oh, and also keep in mind that it's sometimes difficult to appreciate improv through video, so, just laugh... they're improvising a scene about doing a show with Mick Napier.

Not In My Back Yard

George Carlin is always remembered for his 7 Dirty Words routine, and while it is a brilliant routine, this master of language had many greater bits. When a comedian is arrested for a routine though, that's the one that will be talked about.

In the wee hours of the morning at Kelly's apartment, after I "cock-blocked her" Nick Wilson and I had a stand-up bit battle. He did George Carlin bits and I did EDDiE iZZARD bits. Then the police came, but instead of finding a raging party with drugs and naked people, they just found a metrosexual and a homosexual imitating a dead comedian and a transvestite comedian.

Here is an example of George's ability to hold the mirror up to society with eloquent precision.







Ok so George Carlin deserves 2 clips. This is a great example of his mastery of the English language... mastery of... I need to brush up on grammar.

Stand Sit Up, Laugh

Please enjoy, as over the next few days, I shall share with all 4 of you, some of my favorite moments from some of the greatest comedians.

We begin with an Englishman in a dress, or frock as the English say, EDDiE iZZARD. I saw EDDiE at Radio City Music Hall this past summer, and he's hung up his transvestite-ism, at least on stage. For the most part though, he was a subtle transvestite, like he wouldn't literally wear a dress, but heals and make up, and, well, you'll see. I'll post a good amount of EDDiE since he is my favorite, and I have nothing of great importance to say personally right now, so I'll let others speak with great comedy!... maybe I should try LSD? Nah.

This is from his HBO special Dress To Kill, and it took place in San Francisco.

Bye Everybody, Bye!

Host of Late Night with Conan O'Brien... Conan O'Brien, has left his show after 16 years to take over The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. When I first heard of this news I was heart broken at the thought that Conan would have to alter his style for a new late night audience. Later, I was reassured by the man himself (not in person) that Late Night's stupid gags and antics would not go anywhere, as they are what his fans love. That and his rapist wit. When I heard that he was to replaced by Jimmy Fallon, and not me, I was also deeply saddened for 2 reasons. 1, I've never been a huge fan of Jimmy Fallon since he could never keep his shit together in a sketch on SNL, and 2, hello, I'm available to move to NYC and host a late night show, hello?! Lorne Michaels?! I AM AVAILABLE!

Anyway, the plus to this is I won't have to stay up until 1:30 in the morning to watch Conan anymore, because I prefer to be asleep by 10PM... really? no.

Conan has been an idol to me, and I am incredibly jealous of his career, and my little boy dream is to be him... tall, Irish, with a flat pale face... oh and on television doing stand-up, improv, sketches, and interviews. The man has sat down with The Who people!

In order to be in Conan's shoes, I've decided to compare our lives and paths to see if I'm heading in the right direction

Conan was born in Brookline, Massachusetts, a suburb of Boston. I was born in Boylston, Massachusetts, a suburb of Worcester.

Conan's mother was an attorney and his father was a physician/professor of medicine. My mother is a Senior Materials Manager for a biotech company and my dad makes glasses.

Conan is 6' 4". I am 5' 4".

Conan attended Harvard University and graduated magna cum laude with a degree in history and literature. I will hopefully no longer be on academic probation at Suffolk and graduate on time with a degree in journalism.

After working as a writer in LA, Conan was hired by Lorne Michals to write for Saturday Night Live, and then he lived briefly in Chicago with Jeff Garlin while performing improv. I have never gotten a sketch into a Seriously Bent revue, but I did live briefly with premier improv director and former mainstage cast member of Improv Asylum, Jeremy Brothers.

After resigning from writer with The Simpsons, Conan auditioned as David Letterman's successor, and became host of Late Night.


I wrote and hosted The Magic Hour in Suffolk's new TV studio with a make believe guest and a monologue joke about Chinese people.

Hmmmmm... I think I'm on a similar path.

Conan's final show at Late Night was sincere, gracious, and heart-felt, giving proof to his popularity as one of the greatest television talents of the genre.

I will leave you with one of my favorite Conan bits. In the following video, Conan visits Napa Valley for some wine education during his San Francisco series.

Laugh Until I Cry

My friend Dan sent me this tonight, and I laughed so hard, I cried. Nothing has made me laugh like this in forever.